New Year, New Sex

Hello! I won’t say happy new year, since it’s the second week of January, but… it’s new. And we’re here.

I’ve been sick like seemingly everyone else on the East Coast. The kind of sick that traps you in bed long enough to read far too many Substacks and rethink your entire life. I’m hopeful tomorrow is the day I reenter the world.

While I was down, I read a lot about intention, goal setting, routines, and organization. I took notes. I made lists. And then I realized something important: that category of the internet is already full. We’re covered. If I have goals to map out, they can live quietly in my notes until next year.

Yet, I feel the need to throw in my two cents on the whole “new year, new goal” conversation. I want to contribute something that I don’t see being discussed (or acknowledged that often.)

It’s the thing that almost made the list and then didn’t. The thing that might make you uncomfortable, or make you save this to read alone, or make you say thank God, or make you roll your eyes and think please stop.

That topic is sex and romance - specifically post-partum.

To talk about this honestly, I have to be honest about myself (and with myself.) Post baby, I’ve lost my groove. More than that, I’ve lost my desire. Even writing that makes me uncomfortable because I love sex. And I love my husband. What makes it worse, and more complicated, is that this feeling is fairly one-sided, and I’m on that side.

This was not an overnight change. It happened slowly over the last two years, which also happens to be exactly how old our daughter is. I had a fairly rough birth, leaving me with months of painful, slow, physical and emotional recovery. Somewhere within that period, fear crept in. Fear of creating more pain, fear that “things” don’t work anymore, maybe fear of what my lady garden looked like post birth…possibly even fear that I forgot what to do, how to do it, and how to enjoy myself. So distance crept in. Then the quiet absence of desire.

It’s not that we never have sex. We do. But by my standards and by my husband’s, it’s not enough. The reality is familiar: we have a kid, we both most of the time work from home in comfortable clothes, we talk about our child’s bowel movements with alarming frequency, and we’ve stopped prioritizing dates and nights that make us feel like adults instead of distant lovers running a one-child daycare. Life shifted. And we didn’t quite shift with it.

Wanting sex, especially as a woman, isn’t just about the physical act. It’s mental. Emotional. Energetic. It’s about how you move through your day and how much space you give yourself to feel like a person instead of a role. Men, we love you, but you’re built differently. Desire can be immediate. Action can follow. For many women, it’s layered. And personal. And deeply influenced by everything else.

So alongside any small or ambitious personal goals I might have for 2026, this is the one that matters most to me. I want to put more intention, thought, and effort into my sex life, my romantic life, and my dating life (yes, I want to date my husband again.)

There’s no one size fits all answer here. I know that.

What I do know is that my body works. I’m not broken. I just need to work on it. And I’m going to be open about what that looks like for me, step by step, right here.

I’m already uncomfortable writing this, which probably means I’m in the right place. I’ve kept a quiet list for years of things I’ve been curious about but never tried. Not because I didn’t want to, but because of fear, overthinking, or simply life getting in the way. That list includes pole dancing, tantra, breathwork, couples therapy, GHB, pelvic floor rehabilitation classes, and yes, even scheduling sex (we tried, but probably worth another shot). The list goes on.

This will take time, patience, love, and a willingness to be uncomfortable. So once a month, I’m going to write a sex letter to you. I’ll share what I try, what we learn, what helps, what doesn’t, and what feels awkward or surprisingly healing along the way. But this is not a one-man show. Yes, I will be writing, but please join in. Leave comments if you’ve been here, what you’ve struggled with, what you love/hate. I might do a few interviews to add in another perspective, so lots more to come <3

And if I disappear for more than a month, just assume something worked. Assume we’re busy. Assume we found our way back to those early days, where you sneak it in whenever you can.

xx

Gina