i. feel. this!! my kid is about the same age as yours and i was deeply uninterested in sex for a long time and fearful of what sex would look and feel like post episiotomy. i couldn’t even look down there, it scared me!!
some things that have helped shift my perspective are to focus on playfulness and intimacy over the act itself. laughing and being goofy during sex, knowing that sex has so many different vibes and moods. self-pleasure and reclaiming my sexuality, working out and getting back in touch with my strength, and exploring the worlds beyond penetrative sex. making out just to make out. play with my hair while we watch tv. butt grabs in the afternoon. never stop objectifying me!
i love this topic and it feels terrifying to even comment on so thank you for being brave enough to write it out long form❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
hell yeah! i’m such a huge fan of your work — from your podcast, to all of your community work with franks house, to your recipes, to being a fellow mom in brooklyn <3 thanks for putting yourself out there on a truly taboo topic that we’re all thinking about!
I love this. I haven’t given birth but I’ve noticed that in my current relationship (which is the best most connected, safe and silly place in the world) I haven’t felt the need to use sex as a means of connection like I had in my past relationships where we weren’t as aligned. I’m so emotionally fulfilled and taken care of that my desire has diminished. gotta put the work back in. right there with you sis.
I'm so unbelievably happy that you are so fulfilled emotionally. That is something so special and rare. The physical addition must make everything that much better <3
I loved every moment of reading this. We’re preparing to start trying for our first kid and I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t a concern of mine. It helps to read vulnerable posts like this and see the community of women supporting and relating. Thank you! 🤍
Kids are the best <3 I'd be lying if I didn't say they change a lot. But in my personal experience, things have changed for the better. I feel so fulfilled with my kid and my as a person. Yes, our sex life has changed... fairly drastically but this is a chapter. And it's a chapter that I plan to see on working on and hopefully something even better is coming with enough love and attention. I'm sure you will make an unbelievably mother! Im always here if you want to connect!
100%! Just another chapter of life and I’m sure extremely meaningful. Excited to continue reading what your try here, though! And thank you 🤍 Would love to stay connected!
THIS. same, same, same. The timing, the feelings, the lack, the disinterest. Although I’ve been blaming myself and some amorphous reasons usually resulting in more anxiety and spiraling. Appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to acknowledge that it is going to take effort and trial/error and that is okay.
I used to blame and think the same. So often I would sit and think what is wrong with me, why don't I want this.. I finally accept that this is where I'm at right now, and thankfully, I have an incredible partner who's patient and on this ride with me. I hope you are doing great and you are being kind to yourself and simply where you are at. Life is a journey and this is a different chapter
great read gina! and ladies- a tip from last month that has spiced things up, 🤭 ..i put red christmas lights all around an old wooden chair that sits in the corner of our bedroom and the first night was so sexy! it brought out the “old” us and i've decided to keep them up because whenever one of us wants to get a little lovins, we flip the switch on em. a red light bulb in a lamp would also work..it just gives off such a cool color and really makes things fun. 😍✨💡❤️🔥
OHHH!!! That is such an awesome idea! It also provides a hot, sexy signal without having to say anything to your partner. Brava! And you so much for sharing
I love this. This is so relatable. Women should talk more about it. Having this conversation is definitely part of the healing process. Also, how important it is to start by finding our identity again. Or just embracing the new one. After all, we all loose it after having a kid.
<3 We should, and we need to talk about this more. I feel like women feel like we need to hide these parts and these feelings. We grew and pushed out a human...things change. Things alter! Life is all about chapters and finding ourselves after we've physically and mentally transformed to grow a human
Beautifully & courageously written! I have a 2y old and 7m old, and your piece is my script for the last 2 years. Cheers to our husbands who are PATIENT! Thank you for writing about this - it’s so important xx
Gina, this is raw, vulnerable and honest. This is you baby. Being a little older than you and also having a child (but 18 years ago), I can tell you that a lot happens to women on a molecular, hormonal level post-partum that unfortunately goes unnoticed and definitely undiscussed. But it changes women, where some may seek a different kind of intimacy, especially if we are with the right partner, or a bit more space for themselves. Trying to bring back what was there before can be frustrating and sometimes painful…but I have a feeling you might be embarking upon something new and exciting for your next sexual awakening ❤️
i. feel. this!! my kid is about the same age as yours and i was deeply uninterested in sex for a long time and fearful of what sex would look and feel like post episiotomy. i couldn’t even look down there, it scared me!!
some things that have helped shift my perspective are to focus on playfulness and intimacy over the act itself. laughing and being goofy during sex, knowing that sex has so many different vibes and moods. self-pleasure and reclaiming my sexuality, working out and getting back in touch with my strength, and exploring the worlds beyond penetrative sex. making out just to make out. play with my hair while we watch tv. butt grabs in the afternoon. never stop objectifying me!
i love this topic and it feels terrifying to even comment on so thank you for being brave enough to write it out long form❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
This was such a wonderful comment. Playfulness is such a wonderful way to take the serious/strew out of something that should be the furthest from.
Thank you so much for reading, connecting and sending such a thoughtful REAL reply!
hell yeah! i’m such a huge fan of your work — from your podcast, to all of your community work with franks house, to your recipes, to being a fellow mom in brooklyn <3 thanks for putting yourself out there on a truly taboo topic that we’re all thinking about!
I love this. I haven’t given birth but I’ve noticed that in my current relationship (which is the best most connected, safe and silly place in the world) I haven’t felt the need to use sex as a means of connection like I had in my past relationships where we weren’t as aligned. I’m so emotionally fulfilled and taken care of that my desire has diminished. gotta put the work back in. right there with you sis.
I'm so unbelievably happy that you are so fulfilled emotionally. That is something so special and rare. The physical addition must make everything that much better <3
I loved every moment of reading this. We’re preparing to start trying for our first kid and I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t a concern of mine. It helps to read vulnerable posts like this and see the community of women supporting and relating. Thank you! 🤍
Kids are the best <3 I'd be lying if I didn't say they change a lot. But in my personal experience, things have changed for the better. I feel so fulfilled with my kid and my as a person. Yes, our sex life has changed... fairly drastically but this is a chapter. And it's a chapter that I plan to see on working on and hopefully something even better is coming with enough love and attention. I'm sure you will make an unbelievably mother! Im always here if you want to connect!
100%! Just another chapter of life and I’m sure extremely meaningful. Excited to continue reading what your try here, though! And thank you 🤍 Would love to stay connected!
♥️♥️♥️
THIS. same, same, same. The timing, the feelings, the lack, the disinterest. Although I’ve been blaming myself and some amorphous reasons usually resulting in more anxiety and spiraling. Appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to acknowledge that it is going to take effort and trial/error and that is okay.
Sending you ❤️🔥
This message means the world.
I used to blame and think the same. So often I would sit and think what is wrong with me, why don't I want this.. I finally accept that this is where I'm at right now, and thankfully, I have an incredible partner who's patient and on this ride with me. I hope you are doing great and you are being kind to yourself and simply where you are at. Life is a journey and this is a different chapter
Appreciate this follow up. Amen to it all. Feeling encouraged to share more and have the conversations without making excuses ha! Thank youuu
such a good read. thank you for sharing, and love the pics xo
thank you so much <3
great read gina! and ladies- a tip from last month that has spiced things up, 🤭 ..i put red christmas lights all around an old wooden chair that sits in the corner of our bedroom and the first night was so sexy! it brought out the “old” us and i've decided to keep them up because whenever one of us wants to get a little lovins, we flip the switch on em. a red light bulb in a lamp would also work..it just gives off such a cool color and really makes things fun. 😍✨💡❤️🔥
OHHH!!! That is such an awesome idea! It also provides a hot, sexy signal without having to say anything to your partner. Brava! And you so much for sharing
yes exactly! he walked by the other night and the light was on, and said “😍😳😁ohhh?!?” 😂👏🏼✨
Thank you for your honesty❤️ i think many women who have given birth can relate, I def can❤️
It my pleasure <3 It felt so good to write. I knew I wasn't the only one.
I hope you are finding your way on this amazing journey
I love this. This is so relatable. Women should talk more about it. Having this conversation is definitely part of the healing process. Also, how important it is to start by finding our identity again. Or just embracing the new one. After all, we all loose it after having a kid.
<3 We should, and we need to talk about this more. I feel like women feel like we need to hide these parts and these feelings. We grew and pushed out a human...things change. Things alter! Life is all about chapters and finding ourselves after we've physically and mentally transformed to grow a human
I love this and you!!!
Love you right back!
The most important clinical point that I’d like to make is: Lack of desire postpartum is rarely about attraction, love, or relationship quality.
It is usually about:
- Hormonal depletion
- Neurochemical reprioritization
- Chronic stress physiology
- Evolutionary mismatch
Please remember that 2–4 years postpartum, many women are still operating in a biologically anti-libidinal state.
This is normal, common, and reversible, but not through pressure, guilt, or “trying harder.” You can always reach out…you know where I am ❤️
Beautifully & courageously written! I have a 2y old and 7m old, and your piece is my script for the last 2 years. Cheers to our husbands who are PATIENT! Thank you for writing about this - it’s so important xx
Gina, this is raw, vulnerable and honest. This is you baby. Being a little older than you and also having a child (but 18 years ago), I can tell you that a lot happens to women on a molecular, hormonal level post-partum that unfortunately goes unnoticed and definitely undiscussed. But it changes women, where some may seek a different kind of intimacy, especially if we are with the right partner, or a bit more space for themselves. Trying to bring back what was there before can be frustrating and sometimes painful…but I have a feeling you might be embarking upon something new and exciting for your next sexual awakening ❤️